it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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