i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
