turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
