We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
