So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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