his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
