oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
