I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
