end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
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