im holly from the hills drunk
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
