So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
