Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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