I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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