It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
