Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Randomize