i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
