By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
