Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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