You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
