; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
