then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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