i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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