Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
