Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize