Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
