I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
