There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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