we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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