i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
