She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
