meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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