Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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