she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
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