I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
