Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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