after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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