i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
