when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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