Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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