Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
