tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
