You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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