His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
