The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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