at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
