ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
