i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
