apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
