i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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