She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
