Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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