i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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