dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I will be naked everywhere
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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