Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
