He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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