So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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