My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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