I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
