So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
so much tequila, so little girl.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize