We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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