I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize