Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize