i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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