I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
