Nicole vs. Life
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize