Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
