Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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